i hope i die on the tv

i hope i die on the tv

Life is ugly when you run out of options. People become objects that need to be disposed of. Desperate men take desperate actions. They form desperate factions & look for friction against perceived enemies. That type of scene squeezes the vigor from a person & just when things seem like they couldn’t worsen, a knock on the door brings death. & After death what is left? The theft of all worldly possessions? The doling out of mediocre positions on the ladder of Life. The strife & fights that come with unhappiness. More & more we become less. We guess at what seems like the next best movement. The world is filled with Malcontents that lament torment & circumvent those that would choose to repent discontent.
I too have refused the open hand when it was lent.

These days are stress filled & tiresome. People scrounging & fighting for the same crumbs off of the same plate. Fate seems cruel & hate-filled. Many dreams have spilled to the wayside. We need to build new dreams that rise above the mediocre schemes we seem to erect around ourselves. The screams of the mute are deafening if you can tune them in. soon enough it will be to late to rectify the sins of the past. Fast is the speed of life with knives in our backs.

HEY WORLD WHERE DID YOU GO SO LONG AGO. WHY DID YOU LEAVE WHEN YOU SAID YOU NEVER WOULD? COULDN’T YOU HAVE KEPT YOUR PROMISE & LEFT THE LIST YOU HAD WITH MY NAME ON IT? You always hurt the one you love most. Coasting through LIFE like nothing is worth worrying about. & Bouts of Madness mixed with your spells of Sadness, that is what’s keeping your head in the sand. & Where is that hand that was supposed to be extended to help you onto your feet? The streets are dangerous, filled with the lecherous & malnourished. & Remember that time when love bloomed & flourished? When youth was a flower held in the hand? Demand the best & you shall receive it for only the lust filled will deceive those that would be so naïve. Time beckons its demands & land gets smaller & more populated & the youth of your generation lie apathetic & sedated from the death T.V. spreads. Look inward for it is all in the head. Bitter things better left unsaid.

RAZ in L.A.

Hey world! I am back. It is the second month of the second year of the new millennium. & People still survive off of the bare minimum. I just got XP for my PC. Its cool being a Laptop Type mother fuc*er, Thugs on the computer. Lugging this new type of street drug for people to sip from their coffee mugs. In Starbucks or any similar place that humans exist in this inner space. We have all faced adversity but how we handled it is how we differ. Some of us stiffen up & wither. Whether we like it or not; the smallest leaks can sink the greatest ships.

I hate when people who never read decide to pick up a book to answer the riddles of their pathetic plastic existence & the books they choose to look into to soothe their confused & simple souls end up being apocalyptic literature written by some reclusive hermit (not to mention physician) from the Middle Ages. What have we become as a nation? Are we a bunch of alliterate (people who can read but choose not to) T.V. & Internet surfing morons who chase & seek “sensationalism” rather than choose old-fashioned introspection & meditation? We need to look no further than to meditative thought for our answers. Simply making time to sit in a familiar & comfortable spot & taking time to “hear” what you are hearing & “see” what you are seeing opens the doors of the universe (not to mention, Perception). For your outward answers, look inward.

A little Ed Gein lives in me. He knew a lot about Obsession & so do I. The story of Ed Gein begins with the Bible. It shows the tribal tendencies that we have just under the surface. & like the center ring at the circus, we are put in the limelight.

In case you did not know, Ed Gein was a gruesome killer that lived in smalltown USA during the 50’s. He was the inspiration for Hitchcock’s PSYCHO & Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. He failed the basic exam of Life, which is to respect life. I have failed that also on occasion.

I was gone for a minute. I haven’t hit you guys up with a blog for a while. I forgot my pass word & thus I was barred from my own creation. Blogger.com wouldn’t let me in! I wondered what sin I had committed to afford such treatment.

It is a New Year & people all around me are pretending not to fear the future; filled with fictional attacks by unseen & unknown forces. That ride into our existences on strong, dark horses & fill our hearts with terror. Complacency is what breeds this rarer form of ignorance that we are know residing in.

“I saw a cop beat a priest on the T.V.” God lives in the T.V. he does. In the Slums I am from It is easy to meet Christ. I wanted to meet Christ & I did. In the ghetto I ran into him He wondered how long I would be able to swim in the pool of iniquities that I was at that moment existing in. Sin is fun once again. I haven’t had this much fun since I don’t know when.

RAZ in L.A.

Xmas in LA is so plastic just like Heaven

It’s Christmas in America again & yet it is the first one I’ve ever experienced. You see I have a child of my own whose eyes I use to find that elusive holiday Muse. I try & see the world from his view. I do believe in Santa again. I believe in magic of love. In the magic of giving. Givers never take & Takers never give. I’m a Giver. Always have been. & Though evil resides in my skin, I grin with the knowledge that I too can achieve redemption. I am “savable” in GOD’S eye. & Try as I may not, I do manage to cry somewhat when I view the beauty of my child. It’s been awhile since I walked that mile in my own skin. Since I smiled. Since I crawled out from under the pile of guilt I’ve been buried beneath. I should wear my shame like a Christmas Wreath tied around my neck. I ask though with what do I deck my halls with? MERRY CHRISTMAS

RAZ IN L.A.

My granny is in a room inside a hospital. It is not too hospitable in the type of room she is in. None of us can be at ease with the concept of original sin, floating around. & In this town all seems sinfully unoriginal. All seems sinfully crowned; & deep down I know I am.
So here it is, I am in a room & my granny is in a room & for me to presume I am not alone is to great a presumption to make. Heartache is par for the course. & Depression is prevalent. & So much for irrelevance. I mean how many days have passed since I first asked about my lot in life? How many days passed since Happiness was abound? I wear the crown of a clown & I know it is fulfilling enough for me.

I watch him watch’g me, constantly. He inquires about my state at that moment in time. He seems infinitely curious about my every move. He watches me like a guard watches the prisoner. Maybe I am imprisoned by his gaze, his attentiveness seems to hold me trapped in insignificant gesture & trivial attempts at amusement to pacify, this warden.

What am I to think, this seemingly unknown stranger strolls into this town & assumes his place at my table, holding the largest coffer. I starve to feed my keeper. My host. Who is the parasite & who is the host?

& it was then that I spy’d him. He was atop a vast plateau, looking down at me with green eyes. Eyes so piercing, so full of hatred, that it almost seemed like Love. My son look’d from afar down at me with eyes full of love.

Its raining in L.A. God must think we need a cleansing. She must want to wash us with the tears of his creation. The Supreme Being must want to wipe the slate clean before the sun rises tomorrow. I love when it rains in L.A. because my soul is sick & in need of a complete wash job!

In the Ghetto, a women sleeps on concrete. The man in the corner market steals meat for the family's evening meal. Life seems cheap here. The streets are filled with tales of tragedy & evil. Wickedness walks the pathways unconcealed. Third-World children play at the base of buildings 1500 feet high. I saw that Happiness was for sale, in the slum I'm from, 10 dollars a hit. Life seems like video footage, hard to edit. Pestilence spreads among the masses like a virus. Life goes quick. Twice the speed of regular life; middle-class life. People stuck at rock bottom trying to come up. Yeah, Times are hard; in the slums I'm from.